Here’s wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a happy New year!
Archive for December, 2007
Day six started off feeling slightly better and deciding that I would try not to let emotions jump me again. After camping in my usual spot in Deitide, I ran into a friend, who tried to talk to me. I am sure she was told before that I couldn’t hear her talking. As I am unable to communicate, I had to deal with her “sense of humour”. I suppose under normal circumstances I could have dealt with it, perhaps even see a funny side into it.
However sadly enough it wasn’t meant to stop there. Someone who had drunk to much, and thought it was fun enough to push me around into the direction of a cage. I managed to evade her for a while. Luckily Llyenera popped into the sim and provided some comfort. But even when she was asked to stop, she didn’t. And it was, it was too much. It became clear that this wasn’t in a way just a little fun, but a seriously, oh lets pick on you, because I can. It just became to much. Llyenera was finally being able to hold her at bay for me to get some rest, however I still remained rather weary.
By that time, Mistress popped online as well, as I think I never seen her so furious. If I ever need a vivid image for “the oncoming storm” or “devine wrath” (*grins* she’s awesome at kicking ass) I know what it is. After assessing the situation, she headed home quickly and teleported both me and Llyenera out of there.
We had a couple of options left at that moment:
Well, it appears my dear old sis can cause trouble even in isolation; I’ve just been tagged by her for an “8 random facts” game that’s apparently bouncing around the blogosphere. Here are the rules:
- Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
- People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
- At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
- Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
So, without further ado, here’s eight random facts:
- My SL name comes from one of my old World of Warcraft toons, a Draenei shaman. I forget which server, and I’ve quit WoW for good, so don’t ask if you can meet her. 🙂
- The one restraint I have owned the longest and still use today would have to be my Serious Shackles set from Marine. I don’t remember exactly when, but I think it was within my first week of playing SL.
- I’m very stingy with RL information; I come to SL to escape my FL, and to do things I’m fairly certain I could never do for real. I don’t do voice for that reason. 🙂
- The main reason I started playing SL was to experience BDSM.
- I used to be an extreme introvert, to the point of anxiety-induced depression. SL has helped me largely get over that. 🙂
- I never liked pink until playing SL. Now I love it. 😛
- My very best friend in SL would have to be my dearest sis, Lex. Close follow-ups would have to be Mistress Jasmyn, Master Darryl, Mickie, Thaly, and Xonox. (This is not an exhaustive list)
- I would love to go through ponygirl training… but I’ve never been able to muster up the time or the initiative to find a trainer or choose a stable.
There you go, that’s eight! Now for the next act… tagging! I would like to tag Mistress Jasmyn, Master Darryl, Mickie, Thalydiande, Xonox, Trek Klaxon, Nausica Basevi, and Nikitten. I don’t think any of you all have blogs, so feel free to post them in comments. And, my feelings wont be hurt if you choose not to participate. 🙂
Today was as pretty hard day. I do find occasionally communicating becoming more of a bore and more annoying and that it is easier to just be quiet. Today have seem some deep lows, one of them where I just did not want to be under people in my present condition, instead I preferred to be alone. But I endured while my friends where there and tried to pick up as much as I can. When they were gone I walked off for a little bit, taking me to the far corner of Deitide and just be myself for a bit and started out over the air.
There is, or perhaps there was some relaxing about not even having to know people where there. In a sense I was alone but not alone in myself. I did feel sad. Day five is proving to be harder and I fully expect this to continue for a while and then to level off in some kind of emotional baseline feeling.
The second time, was when I mentioned that I missed home. And before I knew it, all these images of home and what it meant to me (from the beginning of our relationship, that home has been a kind of safe place and some where where I can center myself and be at peace. I am quite content pondering around at home all alone, and watch the great empty sky around us), and how important it was came flooding back. One of the things I have noticed that I do start to get more emotional in my reactions, which no doubt is due to the extended isolation. I am both curious and afraid how this will develop over time.
It was not just the emotion, but the rawness and it literally jumped on me, and frankly I wasn’t prepared for it. I did recover, thanks to Mistress who in her lovely silliness had me laughing and clutching my sides. Thanks so much, Mistress 🙂
The evening was pretty much brought to an end when Lly and Syth popped by to play for me. The music is soothing and for this alone I am sis eternally thankful and Greensleeves will always be special for me, just for that reason.
Well day four has come and gone, and frankly most of the day the Deitide Sim was pretty quiet. Although I suspect that tomorrow it will be even worse. With the weekend over, more people will be at work during the day, although perhaps things are better with the Christmas Holidays nearing, there will be some people around.
So far I seem to be doing okay. Yes it is hard going. I can really start to see why Marine warned people to be better sure about this and this is with me just being in semi-isolation, it could be much worse if I was completely banished. Still I do notice my desire for communicating (not communicating, not interacting, there is (at least in my mind a slight difference between them) with people is lessening.
Even though I can’t communicate with people, being around them, is somehow still better than just being completely on your own. However,the thing that really starts to annoy me, is people that even after I convey in emotes, no I can’t really hear them and then I can only do emotes, still insist on trying to talk to me. I am getting more and more to the point of just staring blankly at them and either just stand there, or turn around and walk away.
However the evening was a bit better as I got loads of time to spend with Mistress, which was great we visited a couple of Sims and did some shopping. Well, she did some shopping, I followed obediently and quietly mostly 😉 But honestly it was great to be out of the usual sim for a change. And not only that, I got to spend a great amount of time with her as well. If nothing else, I can’t express how much that means to me, and how close it makes me feel to her.
a lot of people wonder what I can actually see while being in isolation.
Well see above, this is pretty much the outlook I have. nice huh 😉
Above all, a really big thank you to all those people who come by and see me (especially friends), and those who worry about my well being and are concerned with how I am doing. I really am touched by this. And thank you Sis for taking the time to play Greensleeves for me, it’s really a soothing and touching song.
Well day three has come and gone and I must admit, that today was a bit harder than the previous two days. It really is sinking in that, yes I might be in here for a lot longer than I originally thought I would be. And not only that. Realizing that you are literally trapped in a suit is a powerful feeling.
On the other hand it becomes easier just to observe. It used to bother me that people would ignore me, but now? If they are strangers and just walk on, I just shrug and move on. There is nothing to be gained by getting upset by something i can’t change myself. In fact, it becomes a bit of a blessing, it saves trying to explain to people what the hell is going on and why I can’t understand them. Even giving some clues as my profile, my picks sections and specially the blogs, seems for some people to be to hard to understand.
The evening tonight ended rather surreal. For one moment me and Thalia were alone at Deitide, and before I knew it, Niki, Vanni and Llyenera (Vel’s alt, a rather cute elf with a uhm spirited familiar called Sythellra) came by. Everyone sat around talking until Llyenera pulled out a harp and played some songs and it was just so surreal, me in my isolation suit, friends around me and not able to communicate, and the soft tones of a elven harp ….
To top it off for the night, two pictures.
As you can see apart from the height, there is not much you can tell who is who.
I have decided that I am not gonna come up with any fancy titles no more 😉 I am just gonna number them by day. I have no idea how long I could be in here. Mistress answers range from Christmas, New Year to Easter, to “Why should I release you?”. And the strangest thing happened. In that very split second after the chills ran over my spine, she asked me, if that was so awful. And honestly the only answer I could think of was: No. It wouldn’t. Like Vel wrote before me, You get to the point that it really doesn’t matter.
It was a good day today actually. Lots of people showing up at Deitide which is nice to see. I am always sad that when you have a great sim, it becomes so quiet that nobody is around. I know that attention is a highly valued commodity in Second Life but still, it was good to see so many people around (even if I can’t hear em)
I had great fun with sis when she decided impromptu to put on her iso-suit. It was a weird sensation to look at her and see someone who is exactly like me, apart from the difference in height, we were otherwise completely identical. It was a strange sensation. And our behaviour, it was kinda fun and strange. We had a impromptu territorial fight about the carpet. As we dont have any way to communicate or a painful buzzing sound (as Banes get administered by their Custodians), the only way we can do this is just by pushing each other (think primitive sumo wrestling here lol).
After a while we played tag. Which had me running around, and giggling my head off, it was so funny. It may sound rather strange to you lot, but once you are that cut off from communicating with the world, you have to find ways to entertain yourself,
Adn of course spending time with Mistress. It’s funny to note that how weary I am communicating with others at the moment (watching your sentences etc, is very tiring), but happily communicate eloquently and efficiently with her. It was just good to be with her near and be able to talk not only about the experiment but the countless other things we share. I have at the moment less to write as their isn’t that much difference in the day. Perhaps more tomorrow.